Once again ... the year that wasn't

Oct. 1: Humans wonder if the world's end is truly here as government agencies are closed across the nation and the walking dead roam the earth, all in the season premiere episode of AMC's series "The Pirates Reach the Postseason."

Oct. 10: Detroit outfielder Torii Hunter fails in his desperate attempt to catch David Ortiz's grand slam with his feet.

Oct. 20: Alabama coach Nick Saban criticizes Crimson Tide fans for leaving early during another blowout, saying, "Everyone should stay until the very end. It's not over until it's over. I mean, you simply never know what's going to happen -- even if we have the ball and there is only one second left on the clock. Seriously. Something weird could happen."

Oct. 26: The Red Sox lose Game 4 of the World Series in bizarre fashion when umpires rule that the Cardinals' Allen Craig was obstructed from scoring by first baseman Mike Napoli's beard stretching all the way across the third base line.

Oct. 27: Miami's Richie Incognito fails to inspire his teammates with a halftime speech in which he insults their work ethic, intelligence and fashion sense, and also says their mothers are ugly and promiscuous.

Oct. 30: The Red Sox beat the Cardinals to win the World Series and finally end the dreaded Curse of the Beard Rash for their wives and girlfriends.

Nov. 3: Seahawks fans set the record for the loudest crowd in sports history, beating the previous decibel level held by fans at all other stadiums howling at the price of beer.

Nov. 27: Much to the irritation of many Americans, the frenzied, excessive and eventually regrettable spending of Black Friday begins even earlier than normal when the Twins sign Rickey Nolasco to a $49 million contract.

Nov. 28: Around the nation, Americans gather together to give thanks that they do not root for the Astros and Titans.

Nov. 30: In perhaps the most extraordinary ending in college football history, Auburn defeats No. 1 Alabama by blocking a last-second field goal attempt and returning the kick through the Stanford band and knocking over the trombone player in the end zone.

Dec. 5: The Mariners re-energize their fan base by signing the player Seattleites would be most excited to see playing second base -- Russell Wilson. In related news, Jay Z gets Robinson Cano a 10-album, $240 million deal with Roc Nation.

Dec. 13: The holiday movie season gets under way with the release of Peter Jackson's new movie about a rich and destructive creature in "The Desolation of Jerry Jones.''

Dec. 24: Millions look up into the Christmas Eve sky, craning their necks to see if they can spot the amazing, believability-testing sight of a man in a very loud, colorful suit once again flying around the globe. They fail, however, to spot the plane carrying Dennis Rodman to North Korea for his third visit to visit dictator Kim Jong-un.

Dec. 25: Children everywhere are disappointed when they wake up and learn that Santa Claus was unable to fly around the world and deliver presents after all the antlers from the reindeer had been removed for PEDs.

Dec. 26: Thirty-seven years after "Rocky," Sylvester Stallone releases yet another movie in which he portrays a boxer. Wearing his boxing shorts up to his nipples, he misses his scheduled bout with Floyd Mayweather Jr. when he misplaces his car keys.

Dec. 29: The students in Jon Kitna's math class work on their Christmas break assignment -- trying to calculate the quarterback efficiency rating of a 41-year-old high school teacher holding a clipboard on the sideline of a Cowboys game.

Dec. 30: After losing to Southern by 104 points, 116-12, Champion Baptist College receives a bid to be a No. 7 seed in the 2014 NIT tournament.

Dec. 31: With tens of thousands gathered around him for the annual New Year's Eve celebration, Tiger Woods receives a two-stroke penalty for improperly dropping the Times Square ball.

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